Countdown to the hole in my heart
I keep replaying the death march over in my head
four months of antibiotics and tubes
cutting and healing and cutting
and hope and stupid days of putting the gown on
and taking it off
sterile you know
beeps and ventilator breathing
pushing the air in and letting the air out
one little word, I would just beg her
one tiny little word
keeping it sterile and pleading for lucidity
and all she could do is scribble notes
begging to come home
confused and begging
I think she is getting better
really
as we kept punching new holes and telling them
keep trying
and the march continues
I will never let it go
the martyr is still singing the nightingales song
I am still the fucked up one
and your still her baby boy
Sunday, June 26, 2011
all my fear
placed in gastric intention
stomach full of acid and thoughts
words that make you puke
it is all blackness
blackness on that sliver of quiet death
that millisecond right before the light turns on
or the light goes out
in a place the black man tap dances
the noises so beautiful they make me feel at home
and someone is singing me the blues
that place
where the rabbit is nestled in the crook or the hollow
that tree, my death's tree with the moss
blanketed and shining wet
when spring makes me new again
fear churns and comfort burns
the pain becomes alright
freedom in the heads grassy meadow
but now summer is on me and the bird's songs should comfort
but it doesn't
all I can hope for is daydreams as the sun stays too long
and I have folk songs in my ears
and birds on my lame brain
hoping for warmth to be my antacid
on this discontented day.
placed in gastric intention
stomach full of acid and thoughts
words that make you puke
it is all blackness
blackness on that sliver of quiet death
that millisecond right before the light turns on
or the light goes out
in a place the black man tap dances
the noises so beautiful they make me feel at home
and someone is singing me the blues
that place
where the rabbit is nestled in the crook or the hollow
that tree, my death's tree with the moss
blanketed and shining wet
when spring makes me new again
fear churns and comfort burns
the pain becomes alright
freedom in the heads grassy meadow
but now summer is on me and the bird's songs should comfort
but it doesn't
all I can hope for is daydreams as the sun stays too long
and I have folk songs in my ears
and birds on my lame brain
hoping for warmth to be my antacid
on this discontented day.
Lost
Lost in the bottom
that fucked up sea bed
or the bottom of the bag
lost without an address
no pin on the map I guess
Lost in the middle of it all with a smile on my face
lost without a sense of
where
I am
Whirling dervish on a tin bottle cap
one more time
one last time
I am lost without a word
lost without all of my words
and the thoughts of who you are
who you were is nothing
nil
quiet lost alone in the paper
and this stoned hand feels
for the right pen
or the right key
or the right word at midnight
or tastes the right quiet breath on your mouth
and you are nothing
except the robin's chat on the branch
assertive
lovely
distant
lost
Lost in the bottom
that fucked up sea bed
or the bottom of the bag
lost without an address
no pin on the map I guess
Lost in the middle of it all with a smile on my face
lost without a sense of
where
I am
Whirling dervish on a tin bottle cap
one more time
one last time
I am lost without a word
lost without all of my words
and the thoughts of who you are
who you were is nothing
nil
quiet lost alone in the paper
and this stoned hand feels
for the right pen
or the right key
or the right word at midnight
or tastes the right quiet breath on your mouth
and you are nothing
except the robin's chat on the branch
assertive
lovely
distant
lost
Friday, June 24, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Rabbit
I am the rabbit's heart
tympanic fast flutter
tempestuous
thudding
ebb and flow so quick
I dissolve
Rabbit
You are the rabbit's head
quiet caution
with timid soft
paw
waiting for Mr. McGregor
to leave the garden
Carrot
I will hold it as ransom
but give it away as
soon as you ask
while I wait
with my heart in my
stomach
Carrot
held firmly between your
teeth
lovely green tops
the sweetness stolen
from the earths
quiet
den
your soft smirk
will not give you away.
I am the rabbit's heart
tympanic fast flutter
tempestuous
thudding
ebb and flow so quick
I dissolve
Rabbit
You are the rabbit's head
quiet caution
with timid soft
paw
waiting for Mr. McGregor
to leave the garden
Carrot
I will hold it as ransom
but give it away as
soon as you ask
while I wait
with my heart in my
stomach
Carrot
held firmly between your
teeth
lovely green tops
the sweetness stolen
from the earths
quiet
den
your soft smirk
will not give you away.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Sitting on my hands
quietly
suffocating silence
quietly
the pain in my head
quietly
is the hummingbirds
fast wing flutter
the visible air
the water soft with
slow shutter
being afraid
quietly
bathing in humility
quietly
forgetting to keep quiet
quietly
the age ticks
like the bones
of the
dead kitty in the yard
my mother's breath
and being the
prettiest
girl in the room
Creatively hoping
quietly
for just one more word
quietly
awash in silence
quietly
quietly
suffocating silence
quietly
the pain in my head
quietly
is the hummingbirds
fast wing flutter
the visible air
the water soft with
slow shutter
being afraid
quietly
bathing in humility
quietly
forgetting to keep quiet
quietly
the age ticks
like the bones
of the
dead kitty in the yard
my mother's breath
and being the
prettiest
girl in the room
Creatively hoping
quietly
for just one more word
quietly
awash in silence
quietly
Saturday, June 11, 2011
self P lofted
It's rare to even attempt these anymore. self Portrait, 3200, no tri pod, manual lens. Pentax. Tablets with cameras have kind of screwed it for me.
Thursday, June 09, 2011
Wednesday, June 08, 2011
Sunday, June 05, 2011
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
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