River breath on my face and neck

I thought about it

going to bed with Sylvia

Blankets made of carbon monoxide

or valium

Drawing highways on my wrists

white caps on filthy city veins

My eyes hit the haze hoping for a sign

God

Why don't the angels sing?

The water just kept calling me

Please lie down in the waves and sleep

I closed my eyes

words rushing over my eardrums

Shivering

Does it really matter?

Do I really matter?

I tightened hood strings

pale face and cold

I walked back to the car

street lights held halo

I took another pull off the bottle

and thought about how happy I should be

Keys in the ignition

the click purr hum

Speakers howl and I feel the bass in my stomach

Forgetting a little about how much

I hate myself sometimes